How do you respond to a demanding day at work? When you picture the perfect evening of decompressing, does it look like pouring yourself a glass of wine, indulging in a delivery of your favorite comfort food, and buying something online to lift your mood?
While it’s natural to look for pick-me-ups during stressful times, many people mistake self-soothing for self-care. Either can provide comfort, but they are not identical, and understanding the difference can be a central component of healing from trauma and addiction.
What Is Self-Soothing?
Self-soothing is anything you do to reduce emotional discomfort in the moment. There’s nothing inherently wrong with wanting relief, and the ability to calm yourself down is a valuable life skill. Healthy self-soothing might look like taking slow breaths, wrapping yourself in a weighted blanket, doing guided meditations, or checking in with your friends.
Other forms provide temporary relief but create worse problems by failing to address the source of distress:
- Drinking alcohol to numb difficult emotions
- Shopping to escape stress
- Doomscrolling for hours
- Emotional eating
- Avoiding difficult conversations
- Using drugs to feel calmer or happier
What Is Self-Care?
Unlike self-soothing, self-care is something you intentionally do to benefit your long-term well-being instead of seeking immediate emotional relief.
Examples of healthy self-care include:
- Attending therapy
- Getting enough sleep
- Setting healthy boundaries
- Exercising regularly
- Eating nourishing meals
- Spending time with supportive people
- Having honest conversations
- Making time for rest
- Setting aside a focused mental health day
Self-Care Isn’t Always Comfortable
The primary difference between self-soothing and self-care is that many acts of self-care are not always the easiest or most enjoyable choices you can make in the moment. For example:
- Going to therapy may bring painful emotions to the surface.
- Setting boundaries may disappoint people who have consistently benefited from your lack of them.
- Having an honest conversation can feel scary.
- Choosing to stay sober instead of reaching for alcohol or drugs requires tremendous courage.
While moving toward improved health instead of opting for a temporary escape can increase your discomfort in the short term, your long-term healing should be a higher priority.
Ask Yourself One Simple Question
When you feel anxious, overwhelmed, or emotionally exhausted and start searching for relief, pause and examine your motives. Are you looking for a quick distraction, or are you trying to take better care of yourself? Bringing more awareness to your actions can interrupt automatic habits and create space for more responsible, informed choices.
Finding healthy outlets to comfort yourself is a cornerstone of recovery. Watching a favorite movie, taking a warm bath, revisiting a favorite book, spending time in nature, or cuddling with your pet can all be meaningful ways to relax and recharge.
Remember, your goal isn’t to eliminate comfort. It’s to choose ways to strengthen your recovery instead of becoming more disconnected from yourself.
Recovery Means Caring for the Person Beneath the Coping
The Pearl helps women recognize the coping patterns they’ve developed over time while building healthier ways to care for themselves emotionally, physically, and mentally. We know that trauma, anxiety, grief, chronic stress, and addiction can all make you want to search for a quick fix, and we want to help you develop healthier ways to meet your emotional needs through therapy, community, and evidence-based treatment.
You deserve the kind of care that helps you build a healthier, more peaceful life. Request help today to start finding it.